Mercy's Angels: Elizabeth Read online

  Mercy’s Angels: Elizabeth

  By

  Barbi Barnard

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved.

  Editing by: Jo Powers

  Cover by: Lori Birkett

  Mercy's Angel

  Copyright 2015 © Barbi Barnard

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

  Dedication

  I honestly have so many to thank for the completion of this book. Time after time, obstacles were placed in my path to keep this book from being finished. I wanted to give up and crawl into a hole so many times. Computers were ruined, files were lost, kids moving into the house while others moved out. Depression and angst kept me from moving forward. A small group of women, people I have never laid eyes on, kept me going. With encouragement, suggestions and friendship from afar I finally typed the two words I needed. “The End”. This is just as much their book as it is mine. I will never be able to repay the debt I have to them.

  Lori B: You never give up on any of us. Your compassion shines through with the brightest of light. You have a sweet word for everyone when the day is just too much. You make me smile and laugh. Your generosity is remarkable. No one gives more to people than you do. You definitely have the good karma box over flowing. I want to be like you one day.

  Christine L: Your support with all matters is a godsend. Honest feedback and continual support for an outrageous home life keeps me sane. Knowing you have the answers is sometimes enough to try it alone. If I screw it up I know where to find you.

  Mel A: You made the story come alive with your pictures. You have such a way of finding a line from the book and turning it into a whole new idea. I never gave much thought to how many ways there are to see the same thing form other points of view.

  S.O.S.: The street team, the best of the best! You go out of your way to show support for me when you'd never heard of me before. I thank you. Your ideas and suggestions along with the laughter is always a bright spot in my day. Plus, you all leave Cloud alone and help me defend him from others.

  This story has some truth in it and I used people from my life to give you this story. Those people are my rock. I survived the bumps and road blocks thrown at me and I came out stronger. I’ve been alone with nothing but my kids and I have been scared out of my mind.

  I have been without lights and water. I’ve been homeless. I’ve survived abuse and sickness. I never gave up. I hope that if nothing else I can give just one other person hope that it gets better. Johnny Depp said it best, “It’s not a bad life, it’s just a bad day.”

  Thanks for believing in me. Thanks for the support. I love you all.

  Barbi

  Table of Contents

  Abuse Help

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Contact me

  Abuse Help

  This book speaks about abuse within its pages. If you are a survivor of abuse, please read this book with caution. Please feel safe and secure before reading something that may cause a trigger in yourself.

  If you are dealing with abuse, I hope you get help. I, at no time, take abuse lightly. I do have humor mixed in and hope to make you smile. But I truly hope you find safety and I hope that you find courage to go on with your life in a safe environment.

  If at any time you think someone needs help. Please try! So many times people just turn away saying: “Not my business”, “If they want help they will ask.” or “It’s not real, they want attention.” It’s always real. You may, for whatever reason, be the person they trust enough to see the truth.

  Links:

  http://www.cadvny.org/

  http://www.thehotline.org

  www.speakupnow.org

  www.abuseintervention.org/help/friend-family

  womenshealth.gov

  Prologue

  Every little girl dreams of her future. Whether it be college and a career or marriage and babies. All our life we think about what we are going to do “someday”. Lizzy has dreams. She and her Daddy sat and planned for places to visit, things to try and people to see. With the death of her father when she was ten, she put the list away. Her mother’s depression and her own feelings of abandonment left her without a purpose. Where would be the enjoyment without her whole family to share it with?

  By the time she was ready for high school, Lizzy has come to terms with a life full of bumps. Mom has had one boyfriend after another searching for the happiness she had before. Moving to new neighborhoods with each one. Kids are mean at school and friends don’t come easy when you didn’t get to attend with them from kindergarten. Being a semi-loner with only a few girls she can call friends she learns to be self-sufficient. She makes good grades and tries to make her home life easy on her mom. But that all comes to a stop when the latest boyfriend pays too much attention to her growing body. Mom doesn’t notice and the only option she sees is to leave. On her own at sixteen is not ideal, but it’s better than not having any choices.

  Street life is hard and there isn’t a day that goes by that the thought of going home doesn’t cross her mind. Finding others just like herself makes it bearable. Surviving is easier when you’re not the only one. Then one day, she meets him. That one person that makes you wish for more. Spending time with them makes your day brighter. Makes you wish for everything again. Never thinking it’s all just an illusion. Betrayal of the worst kind. Pain and humiliation become the norm, and it’s all his fault.

  Thirty years later, after making her way in life and bringing her girls with her, she has it all. A successful business and friends who respect her. Living quietly does make for town gossip, but that is just talk. She is content with everything she has and what she fought for. Until, he comes back. With him come memories better left in the past. Can she survive with her heart and mind intact? Can she tolerate being around the person who betrayed her, to make her girls happy? This is Lizzy’s story. The final installment of the Mercy’s Angels. What happened to take the light away from her eyes? Why does the past have to resurface now?

  Chapter One

  I have to get out of here. I need to calm down and not panic. I can't let it have control over me. It's over. It's done. It's over, it's done. I keep repeating in my mind as I make my way to the pond. It's calm there. If I can get there without falling apart I can let it go. The memories are crowding me and I can't let anyone see me as weak.

  ***

  Tap tap tap “Liz open the door.” If I stay quiet I can get out the window and be gone before he gets the door open. Tap tap tap “I know you can hear me. I know you’re not sleeping.” I slide the window open and grab the bag that I’d packed last week. I can hear him trying the handle. I get out and pull the window down. I made it. Now, find a place to sleep till
morning.

  ***

  That time in my life is over. I'm not a little girl that no one listens too. I watch the geese float serenely through the water and try to drown the memories of him. I got away from him. I lost my mother also, but I feel like that was her choice. She chose him over me. I tried to make her understand. I tried telling her. She just wouldn't listen.

  ***

  “Mom, are you working again tonight?”

  “Yeah baby, I am. I told you they pay better on the graveyard shift.”

  “Well, can I go stay with a friend tonight while you’re gone? I don't want to be here without you.”

  “No. It's a school night. Get your homework done and clean up the kitchen for me. I want you in bed by ten.”

  “Please Mom. I don't like being here without you.”

  “Well, you don't have a choice. I'm the mom and I say no.”

  “Can Dennis go to his house till you come back?”

  “Are you crazy? I'm not leaving you alone at night. Anything could happen. You're barely fourteen. You can't drive a car and I feel better knowing he is here with you. Give him a chance. I know he loves you, he told me how pretty you are.”

  ***

  It was so hard to talk to her. Dennis hadn't done anything to me. I felt he was weird, but couldn't prove it. If he came into the bathroom while I was in the shower he always said “he wasn't used to sharing a house” and apologized. When his hands brushed against my butt, he was just reaching for something. Excuse him? When I see him sniffing clothes in the laundry basket, he said he was trying to see if they were clean and needing folding. Just wanted to make mom's life easier. If he wanted to make her life easier, he could get a job and stop mooching off her.

  It only took a year for him to go through her savings. He borrowed a little here and there and never gave any back. Mom said it was the economy. There just weren't any jobs that paid well. I heard them arguing about money all the time. He wanted it and she said she didn't have anymore. He asked about a trust. I didn't understand that. She said she couldn't get it for a few more years. It was for school or something… had to be eighteen or married. Mom was over eighteen and had already been married. I wish I had understood then. I might have been able to change things. There are a lot of things I regret and a lot of things I wish I could have changed. But, wishes are just dreams for people with no hope in sight and through it all, I wouldn't give up the girls for anything. If I could go back and change it, I'm not sure I would if it meant doing it without Jenni and Tiffi. It was hard and downright unbearable at times, but just one look into the eyes of either of those two girls kept me going.

  ***

  Crawling into the empty house three doors down was easy. It had been on the market for a while and there’d not been much interest. It smelled horrible. Old man Cooper died here and they didn't notice for a few days. I think the mailman called in for an elderly check on him. Something about the mail piling up. All the furniture and personal belongings have been left. The water and lights are on, but I can't use them without someone noticing. I found some sheets in the cupboard and make a pallet on the floor away from the windows. Using the travel alarm I found, I set it to wake me. I need to be back home before mom.

  I wake slightly confused. I wish I could say it was all a bad dream. Dennis cornering me at the sink. Leaning into my back as I did the dishes. Telling me I look real nice today while kissing my neck. Pulling me into his body. Rubbing himself on my butt. When he offered to cuddle with me so I wouldn't be scared while mom was at work, I knew I was in for trouble.

  It has never gone farther than him asking for hugs or trying to kiss my neck. Well no farther until now, I am only sixteen. I had never been tall. Just over five foot with shoes on. I figured I would be tiny my whole life. Nope not me. Fate decided to give me six inches in height and big boobs. I popped out almost overnight. Seems like every week or so I needed a bigger size bra and shirts were just too tight or low cut to hide them. Boys at school gawked and some of the girls at school asked if I stuffed my bra. That got cleared up in the locker room after gym class. It seemed like everyone was interested in the size of my boobs, especially Dennis. I caught him staring so many times. Mom caught him once and he laughed it off. “She gets any bigger up there, she'll need a wheelbarrow to haul them around.” Mom laughed at his remark. I called him a pervert and was sent to my room.

  I stick close to the house and stand in the covered carport til I see the car turn the corner. I saunter out and pick the paper up off the yard without looking her way. Mom beeps the horn at me as she pulls in and parks the car. “What are you doing out so early?”

  “I wanted to see how the night shift was. Did you have a good night?”

  “Yeah it was alright. Let’s get in so I can relax.”

  I thought I got away with being out all night. Not so. Asleep in the lounge chair is Dennis. With the sound of the door closing he is awake and on his feet.

  “Where the hell have you been all night? And why was your door blocked and locked?”

  Mom comes in behind me and he tries to cover it up. She isn't that dumb. “What do you mean all night?”

  Dennis is spitting and sputtering trying to figure out what to say or not say. Mom’s head is snapping between us like she is watching a tennis table game and I'm at a total loss to say anything. I think fast. “I thought someone broke into the house. I hid under the bed. I didn't hear anything I recognized, so I stayed hidden.”

  No one bought that. Don't think they would have bought it if it was on sale and came with green stamps. Mom's got that look in her eye. She knows I'm lying.

  “Elizabeth Chelsea, did you sneak out last night? I will ground you till you’re twenty if you did.”

  “No, mom I didn't. I finished my homework and cleaned the kitchen. I went to my room after that and went to sleep. I was woke up from a dream. I really thought someone was breaking in. It scared me. So I hid. I guess I fell asleep there.”

  “Go get dressed for school. But don't think this is over. We'll talk about this some more. Right now I'm tired and hungry.”

  We never did talk about it. She was in a rush when I got home from school and I had a lot of studying to do. I noticed the knob and lock were missing from my door and asked about it. Apparently when I didn't answer Dennis, when he ‘checked up on me’, he broke them. Dennis was smug looking after she left. I knew things were about to get worse. “You ever open your mouth again about me coming in your room, I will make sure you regret it.” His words sent a shiver down my spine.

  ***

  Remembering that last night in my mother’s house is hard. It's a part of my past I wish I could change. I know about so many options now that I didn't know then. Maybe the outcome would have been different. I might not have had to run away. I would have been there when mom got cancer and died all alone. I wouldn't have met Richard and the MC, but then I wouldn't have Jenni in my life or even Tiffi. As much as I missed out on, and with everything that happened, those two girls gave me so much more.

  I have tried hard to be a good person. I try to help anyone who needs it, whether they ask out loud or I hear through town gossip. I donate to the schools and parks, I keep the food pantry in town well-stocked with fresh foods and dairy products, and I try to hire as many as I can find jobs for. I understand that pride won't let people take a hand out, but a job with pay is always welcome. I try to stay out of gossip myself, well except for the Play Pen rumors. I might have encouraged them, but it was only to distract from the truth. I have no contact with anyone from my childhood. I never returned and I don't even know what the story is about my leaving. When I left I never looked back.

  ***

  My bag is packed. I have it ready to go at any time. Keeping it at the Cooper house keeps it safe and I can get it any time. I know something is going to have to give. Mom is so blind to Dennis and his wandering eyes. Mom is working the late shift tonight. If she doesn't let me stay over at a friend’s house, then Dennis will
try his crap again and I feel like she chooses him over me. She brushes off my concerns about him, telling me I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I just want to feel safe in my own house.

  Well, here I sit. Not allowed to stay over anywhere. I have rearranged my room to make it easier to get out the window fast. Still no handle or lock on my door. I placed paper over the knob hole, but it disappeared. So even with the door closed I can be spied on. Creepy. I've taken to showering in the morning when mom works late. At least I have privacy that way. Sleeping fully dressed isn't comfortable, but it is safer. I thought of bringing a knife into my room, but I don't think I could use it.

  I hear him calling me.

  ***

  I need to go back and let Tiffi know I'm okay. She worries over me so much. I put on a smile and bury it deep. Forget the past as it can't be changed and hope for the best for the future. Spending the day at Jenni’s help, but as the evening grows late I need to check on the Pen. I know I can count on the staff, but I like to keep an eye out for the little things. Don't want to run out of beer on dart night. Walking back, my mind wanders back again. I just can't seem to let it go yet.

  ***

  “Lizzy girl? What are you doing sweetie? Want some help with your homework?”

  “No thanks I'm almost done.”

  “Well come watch a movie with me. It starts in a few minutes. I'll even get some popcorn and let you have a beer.”

  “What movie did you pick? And I don't like beer. Mom let me try it and it tastes bad to me.”